Wayne Spills the Beans
by ladyspock7
Summary: A few Earth fish have the ability to spontaneously conceive, without mating. Minion discovers he has this ability as well. Unfortunately, Wayne fails to appreciate the importance of the occasion. Features the warden.


Megamind carried his two-month old daughter Cassie, jiggling her gently against his spikeless shoulder as he paced by the tall windows of his luxury suite on top of Metro Tower. It was their new home, a gift from a grateful city to its Defender. The afternoon was becoming golden as the sun set over the lake.

He reached the end of the row of windows and turned to pass by them again at a leisurely stroll. He'd learned to pace himself. Recently, Cassie had decided that the sedentary life was not for her. When she wasn't sleeping or eating, she liked to be on the move, or more specifically, she liked whoever was carrying her to be on the move.

If Megamind slowed down too much she would wrinkle up her cute little face in preparation to scream. Megamind had walked all over the suite four times this afternoon.

He never would have guessed he'd miss the simple pleasure of sitting down, or that his arms would feel like they were about to fall off from carrying around a nine-and-a-half pound infant for two hours.

Music Man lounged on the sofa, having come for a visit and to try Megamind's patience with some new songs, but with Roxanne napping, Megamind forbade him to sing anything louder than a lullaby.

Having exhausted his limited repertoire, Wayne was idly running through some finger exercises on his guitar.

Megamind's cell rang on the coffee table. Wayne glanced at the screen, cocked his head at Megamind with a sly smile, and picked it up.

"Hey," Megamind said, startled. He would be the first to admit he wasn't entirely up to date on social protocol, but he was pretty sure answering someone else's cell without their permission was stepping over the line. "What're you-"

"Yello," Music Man thundered into the phone. "Hi, John."

Megamind gritted his teeth and strode toward him. He didn't like that tone.

Wayne winked at him. "He can't come to the phone right now.""

The voice on the other end was just audible through the earpiece. Unmistakably the warden, puzzled. "Oh, He's unavailable?"

"Yeah, new babies, they keep you busy." Wayne floated off the floor as Megamind clambered over the couch. "Especially now another one's on the way."

Megamind kept a hand firmly under Cassie's head as he snatched at the cell in Wayne's hand, but the bastard drifted just out of reach. Cassie gurgled and waved her fists.

Wayne chuckled. "Didn't you hear? He and Minion are making a baby, too."

Megamind bounded up the back of the Barcalounger and ripped the phone out of Wayne's slack grip. "Here," he growled through his teeth, holding the excitedly shrieking Cassie out to him. "Make yourself useful, you oversized waste of space."

Once the baby was tucked into the crook of Wayne's massive arm, he turned to the phone. "Hi, John." He had another thought and covered the mouthpiece to snarl at Wayne. "I swear by all that's ee-vil if you toss her in the air I will ban you for life."

"What? Would I do that?" Music Man pressed his free hand to his chest. Megamind shot daggers of death with his eyes at him before turning back to the cell.

"Blue? Who was that? Wayne?" the warden said, irritated.

"Unfortunately."

"So a joke, then."

"Uh..." He sighed. "Not exactly." _Goddamn it, Wayne._

"What? Minion really is..."

"Yes. He's going to have a child."

"Oh." There was a pause. Megamind spent the time scowling at Wayne while the warden got over the surprise and processed the information.

"That's momentous news," the warden said, sounding cautiously optimistic. He cleared cleared his throat. "I don't want to seem insensitive, but..."

Megamind sighed. "You have questions. Understandable. So will everyone else in the city." He didn't mind the warden asking. At least the warden would try to be sensitive, unlike the media.

Roxanne had made a point of emphasizing this when they'd discussed how best to make the announcement to the public. "We're need to consult Mindy on this," she said. Mindy was their publicist. "It's going to be even worse than when I got pregnant." Roxanne's jaw tightened. "And you know they're not going to restrict their questions to whether or not you're going to keep working."

A few questions from the warden would be good practice.

The warden cleared his throat again. "Is Minion a...a girl? Have I been getting it wrong all these years?"

"No. His species is hermaphroditic, able to spontaneously conceive. It's part of his bond with me. Because my partner conceived and had a child, it...sort of...prompted his system to follow suit."

"So not a girl."

"No. Technically not a boy, either, but he's used to being referred to as a male, and would like to keep it that way."

"What can we expect to happen here? Any complications?"

Megamind rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, we've been to see Dr. Johnson and she's going to see about getting us in touch with an ichthyologist, if we can find one that Minion likes, and won't treat him like a test subject. It's difficult, because neither of us know a whole lot about what's going to happen, or how it'll happen. Or even when."

Megamind huffed out an exasperated sigh. "Minion thinks it takes a couple of months for development, and then a clutch of eggs is laid, but he was so young when we left our planet, he's not sure he remembers correctly."

"Hold on a second. A clutch? How many children will there be?"

"Only one or two, Minion thinks. Most of the eggs will be infertile. They're decoys, a holdover from the past to fool predators."

There was another thoughtful pause. "How's he holding up?"

Megamind felt his face stretch unavoidably into a wide smile. "Oh, he's so excited. You should have seen his face when the doctor told him he was pregnant." He chuckled at the memory. "A little scared, too. I asked him..." He stopped, not sure if he should continue. "If he really wanted this. Because it wasn't exactly planned. Minion had no choice in the matter."

It sometimes made him wonder about the roles that the _minyuns_ had played on the home planet Ah-Ri. Were they no more than servants locked into serving for their entire lives?

He'd brought up the matter, as tactfully as he could, that ending the pregnancy was an option, if Minion truly wasn't ready to become a parent, but so far Minion seemed to want this.

"He wanted to tell you himself, and was pretty excited about it. Until someone ruined the surprise." He glared in Music Man's direction, who was floating around the room, pointing out objects of interest on the higher shelves to Cassie.

"Minion was planning to call you or maybe visit, so he could tell you the big news. He just hadn't made up his mind how he wanted to do it."

"Hm."

Megamind chewed the inside of his cheek as the silence stretched. "John?" he said, feeling uneasy. "Still there? This is a little weird, isn't it."

"Son, my definition of 'weird' was shot to hell the day a spacepod landed in the prison exercise yard. Put Wayne back on the phone."

Megamind blinked at the hard edge in the warden's voice. He glanced at Wayne, and almost felt sorry for him, as well as just a teensy bit of satisfied that, for once, somebody else was in trouble, and that somebody happened to be Wayne. "Sure."

Smiling innocently, he waggled the cell in Wayne's direction.

Music Man regarded him warily before accepting the phone. "Uh oh. What's up?"

"He wants to talk to you.

Megamind collected his daughter back into his arms and, humming a little tune, wandered off on a circuit of the room, adjusting the spit-up towel over his shoulder. Cassie dug her toes into his chest and pushed. He grunted and repositioned her on his other shoulder in an attempt to get her to lie still. She planted her feet in his ribs and pushed harder. He sighed, feeling bruised. She'd been pummeling everyone with her sturdy little feet lately, flexing her leg muscles.

The warden's voice was loud enough to be heard.

"I guess you think you're pretty funny."

Music Man's smile faltered. "Uhh...no, sir."

"At least you know the right answer. Wayne, I understand you have this ongoing rivalry with Blue. Hell, the whole goddamn city knows it, and it's got the structural damage to prove it. But Minion's personal life isn't a joke."

Wayne flushed and his eyes widened. "His-but...I didn't realize..."

"Did Minion give you permission to spread the news?"

"Uh, no. No,sir.

"That's some very private information. What am I supposed to do now when Minion calls? Pretend I don't know? Act surprised?"

"Yeah, maybe that's a good idea..." Wayne's voice faded.

"That was the wrong answer," the warden said in a voice like ice.

"Ummm...maybe I should...'fess up...tell him...?"

"Better answer."

Megamind was probably enjoying Wayne's discomfort a bit too much, but damned if he was going to miss it.

And oddly enough, Wayne asked him to come along.

Megamind raised an eyebrow at the ex-hero's downcast face. "You're worried he's going to whip out a death ray on you?"

"Come on, man. Maybe you could sorta smooth things over?"

"God, you are such a wimp." Megamind shook his head. "No, I will not smooth things over. But I'll be there."

"Thanks, little buddy."

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away," Megamind said cheerfully.

Wayne's grateful expression soured at Megamind's grin. "Gosh. Thanks a lot."

They found Minion in the kitchen, making supper with a dreamy smile on his face.

Stood there staring, his expression turning wooden as Wayne confessed.

Megamind bit his lip and paced a short circle off to the side, to keep Cassie happy.

Minion flung his hands up and let them fall to his sides, then crossed his arms over his 'Kiss the Cook' apron. "So it's a big joke, is that it?"

Wayne rubbed the back of his neck, his huge shoulders shrugging helplessly. "Well, no. 'Course not. I was...you know...he was..." He gestured at Megamind, leaning against the doorframe. "Kind of a jab at him."

"Well, it was at my expense." Minion stuck his jaw out. "This is about my child, Wayne. Mine. I-I love Sir, you know I do, Sir," Minion turned to Megamind. "And Miss Ritchi. With all my heart. They're my family. But I'm..."

He swam around in his containment unit, gnashing his teeth. "I'm alone. The only one. You know?"

Wayne's face was beet red.

"I wanted to tell my Earth dad," Minion continued. "Because he's always looked out for me, he... and we don't talk much, but..." He flung his hands up in the air. "I can't even explain. I just..." Letting out a frustrated growl he turned his back and began hacking onions again with just enough self control to not break the cutting board.

"Aw, Minion, I'm so sorry," Wayne said hoarsely. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I shouldn't've...I got carried away, me and Blue are always taking shots at each other. That's no excuse, I know."

Minion didn't turn around.

"I wish I could make it up to you. If I could take it back, I would." He stared at Minion's angry back for a few moments.

He coughed. "Um. Guess I better go. But seriously, man, anything I can do for you, let me know. Y'know?"

He tiptoed toward the door.

"Hold it." Minion spun around.

Wayne froze in mid-step. "Uh. Yeah?"

Minion regarded him with a stony expression, then sniffed. "Feeling kinda tired, actually. My condition and all that. How 'bout you finish up in here?"

Wayne blinked. "What, you mean make supper?"

"Yep." Minion gave him a wide, sinister smile. "Manicotti. Broccoli bake and garlic bread for sides."

Wayne glanced from him to the counter with its pile of onions and back up at Minion again. "Well, I'm not much of a cook, Minion, how do I..."

"Cookbook's right here," Minion said briskly. "Need more hints, Google it." He untied the apron and flung it at Wayne's head, then he walked out the door.

As he passed by, Megamind gave him a pat on the back, a gesture of sympathy and conciliation. Minion raised an eyeridge at him, and winked.

Megamind brought Cassie up to Roxanne, who was taking a nap. He would have liked to let Roxanne sleep more but the baby was beginning to fuss, and he knew he ought to bring her to nurse before she went ballistic.

Roxanne rolled over as soon as he slipped into the room. "Thank God," she said, with feeling. "I'm about to fucking burst."

Once she groggily sat up and got the baby settled Megamind brought her the bonus prize. "And also..." Grinning, he produced a Snickers bar with a 'ta-daaa.'

"You are a saint," she said with even more passion. "Give me that candy, or lose the arm, mister."

Chuckling, he ripped open the wrapper since it would have been awkward for her to do it one-handed, and gave it to her. Breastfeeding had made Roxanne bigger in certain intriguing places, but it wasn't nearly as sexy as he'd thought it'd be. Cracked nipples were painful reminder of that. He was very careful when he hugged Roxanne now. At least they were healing, now that Roxanne and Cassie were getting in sync.

"Need the lanolin?"

Roxanne shook her head, smiling down at their daughter's round blue head. "No, it's not too bad. Did Wayne stop by? I thought I heard him come in earlier."

Megamind brought her up to date on recent events.

Roxanne's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, Wayne," she said in disgust. She clucked her tongue. "I should tell him a thing or two."

"I think the warden and Minion took care of that, my dear." He grimaced.

"Oh, yeah? You're surprisingly sympathetic."

"You weren't there for the slaughter."

"Harsh?"

"Brutal. Minion was so mad it almost made _me_ want to apologize. And I didn't even do anything wrong."

"I hope he doesn't let Wayne off the hook too easily."

Megamind got up from the edge of the bed. "Want to see?"

Roxanne allowed him to help her up, with Cassie still industriously nursing, and they slipped out to peer over the landing.

Wayne was wiping down the ceiling fans. Minion lounged across the sofa, which sagged alarmingly under his weight, talking to someone on his cell. "Uh huh. Uh huh. Ohhh, yeah, I'll say." He laughed and spun around in his bowl. "Yeah, she'll be crawling in no time! Yeah, there's gonna be a separate tank for the incubation."

"Don't the brainbots ever clean this place?" Wayne muttered.

"Missed a spot," Minion said.

"You're not even looking," Wayne said, exasperated. "How do..."

Minion's eyes snapped up.

Wayne winced, sighed heavily, and floated back up to the fan.

Minion returned his attention to the phone. "Hmm. Well, yeah, I'm hoping she'll bond with Cassie, like me and Sir. Kinda hard to say if it'll be the same, warden. Oh sorry, right, I mean John." He giggled. "It feels little weird. You'll always be warden to me." There was a pause, then Minion burst out laughing. "Grandpa Warden! Ha, that's a good one!"

The oven timer went off. Wayne flew into the kitchen.

Roxanne and Megamind drew back around the corner. "I guess I'll let him be. Looks like Minion's got it under control," Roxanne said, smiling.

"He's forbidden him from using superspeed, too. I just hope supper is edible," Megamind said, putting an arm around her waist as they strolled back to their bedroom.

"Eh." Roxanne shrugged. "Minion can order Wayne on a take-out run if it's not."


End file.
